You Wouldn't Understand
by Dark Angst Child
Summary: Rated for physical abuse and cutting. Things are going wrong in Haruka's wonderful world. There is romance, and of course angst
1. Leave me Alone

Kind of got this idea from BrokenDragon's fics Serena's Secret and Why….Daddy?

Thank you BD!

(Wow, I said Thank you)

Warnings: Cutting and physical child abuse

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Haruka stomped through her apartment, removing her bags, shoes, and t-shirt all the way to her room. She slammed the door behind her, and tossed herself face down unto her bed. She had started doing this often in the last few week and worried Michiru half to death, but she said nothing to her. Her other friends thought she just had an attitude, but that was not so.

Her life was a mess, after she almost killed herself dirt bike racing, she got into fights daily and even with Michiru.

Her fights and problems were things people did not understand and probably never will.

Her past….

She got up out of her bed, groaning deeply and walked out of her room towards the bathroom, looking around for signs if anyone was home.

Satisfied, she closed the door of the bathroom leaving is slightly ajar, and removed a pocketknife from her back pocket. She flicked it open and watched as it glistened and reflected the light off the sharp silver steel.

She then, unbuttoned her cuffs and rolls the sleeve up her arm reveling week old scars to year old scars. She looked for a vacant spot on the lower part of her arm, finding one she mad two small one inch long cuts. She closed her eyes and let her self-inflicted pain try to over come the pain in her heart. 

After a second or two, she opened her eyes and saw two small streams running down her arm.

She felt herself smile slightly, and turned on the water, she ran the blade over it and watched it turn a very light pink then clear again. Nest, she put her arm under and the water turned pink again. She waited until the water cleared and the bandaged her arm. 

As she was cleaning the area around the sink, she heard the front door open.

"Haruka?" It was Michiru, Haruka heard her place the keys on the coffee table and began walking to the bathroom. Haruka threw the tissue into the toilet, rolled down her sleeve, flush the toilet and then place the pocketknife into her back pocket.

Before Michiru even turned the doorknob, Haruka opened it almost hitting her in the face.

"Sorry." She mumbled her eyes down, not looking once at Michiru's face.

"What's wrong?" Michiru followed as Haruka began picking up the items she discarded earlier.

"Nothing."

"Haruka…"

"I said nothing!" She threw the items onto her bed, she was yelling again. "Michiru…leave me alone."

"Ha-"

"Just stop," She walked to her long time love embracing her, "You'll never understand what I'm going through…"

"If you just tell me I might." She backed up, running her fingers through the other girl's short dirty blonde hair. "If you let me, love, I can try."

"I love you Michiru, but…it's so confusing." She set on the bed, her head down hand clasped together between her legs.

"Honey…" Michiru embraced her.

"I'm fine Mich. I'm fine."

There was then silence between them.

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Flash Back 

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"It's your fault you mother died! You killed her!"

Little Haruka about the age of eight sat on the edge of the bed her head down, she was wearing a black velvet dress with ruffles and white less, her head id in two pig tail held together by two black ribbon. Her father was pacing back and forth in a black suit twisting his tie in his hands.

"If it wasn't for you, she would be **alive** right now!" He continued yelling getting closer to her.

"She died coming for you!"

"I-it was a drunk driver…" She tried to defend herself.

"Drunk diver? _DUNK DRIVER_?!" He tilted her head back making her looking into his eyes.

"That's what the police…"

"I don't give a **DAMN** about the police!" He spat in her face.

"If you hadn't call she would have missed that 'drunk diver;' she would be ALIVE!"

He continued to scream, again walking back and forth.

'My Fault?' She thought to herself, 'Yes, _my_ fault. I _killed_ my mommy!'

Then, it happened, she was knocked out of her world when her father launched at her, his tie around her throat!

She tried to get him off of her, get the tie off of her neck. She clawed at him, kicked at him. No use.

He grabbed her pillow and covered her face with it, holding down tightly. "You fault!" echoed through the pillow. She began getting weak; she could not hold her breath any longer.

She was dying….

_End of flash Back_

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"Haruka!" Someone was shaking her, "Haruka! Wake up!"

Her eyes fluttered opened, everything was blurry but then came into focus. "Wh-what?"

"Thank God!" She looked around to see the girls there.

"You had stopped breathing Ruka." She looked at Usagi.

"I did?"

"Yes." Everyone said at once.

"Oh….." She could not think her brain was blank; all she could do was plop back down and stare at the ceiling.

"What is going on Haruka?" Michiru took her lovers hand creasing it against her cheek.

"You…you wouldn't understand."

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Wow, 3 fics in just 2 days!


	2. Too Deep to Handle

Chapter two

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At the garage at the racing track, Haruka laid under her lifted yellow sports car, watching as the oil drained from it. For over three days now, she had been like this. She worked on her car and bikes all day, only coming in to eat and sleep a little.

Her eyes focused and the pouring black liquid, her eyes seemed to become darker and darker as she remembered her past again.

****

Flash Back 

"Haruka, just your fucking ass out here!"

Haruka came around the corner her head down again, "Y-yes papa?" 

Her threw an empty beer can at her, "Be good for somethin' and go get me 'nother…" his word slurred some.

She bent slowly to pick up the can and stood back up clutching it in her hand. "Papa…there is no more, you drunk every can."

"W-what! What did you say!" He stood up walking to her "There is no more?"

"Y-yes…" She began to shake and crushed the can with her hands.

He then grabbed her, picking her up by her blue shirt, "Papa…please…no." she begged him.

"'Papa please?'" He mocked her slamming her on to the ground. "Get out of my fucking sight!"

She scrambled off the ground and ran to her room, shutting and locking the door behind her. She laid on the floor near the door in a fetal position, crying.

"Mommy…I'm sorry."

End of Flash Back 

Haruka rubbed her temples, another migraine. She started having them almost every other day. She groaned and rolled herself from under the car; wiping her hands with a rag, she got up, and began walking slowly to the bathroom. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, "You're loosing it Ruka…" she told herself taking the knife from her pocket. She stared at her left arm, which had no more room for cuts, so she moved to her right arm that was beginning to fill up.

She pressed the sharp blade against her pale skin and began to cut. This cut was one of the longest and deepest cuts she had made. It was about four to five inches long and dangerously deep. 

She stock her arm under the running water, and watched it turn a dark pink and light pink, it stayed pink.

After over fifteen seconds, she began to cuss at herself. "You fucking baka!" She wrapped tissue around her arm and quickly left the bathroom, going to her motorcycle.

On the way home it seemed streetlights were not in her favor. Around four blocks from the apartments, her vision began to blur she glanced at her arm and saw that she had bled through the tissue and it and her arm was covered with blood. 

When she did make it home, she dropped her bike and as if she was drunk, stumbled up the stairs and to her apartment. 

It was unlock someone must be home; yet not caring she stumbled through the living room and into the bathroom.

That is when she collapsed onto the limonene flood, still bleeding.

Flash Back 

"Papa! Please stop!" Little Haruka was on her stomach screaming and crying as her father whipped her, adding more scars onto her back. "Please stop!"

"Stop? STOP? **STOP!**!!" He bought his hand up higher bringing it down harder. Receiving a blood curdling scream from her mouth before she past out cold.

Mr. Tenoh continued whipping his daughter until her became tired, and left her on the hard bathroom floor. "I hope you die…"

End of Flash Back

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Review!


	3. Help Me

"Haruka!" Michiru watched in horror as the blonde girl stumbled through the door heading to the bathroom, her left arm bleeding massively. She quickly ran to the girls' side but was passed as if she was not even there.

"Haruka! Haruka!" She called her name repeatedly hoping she would reply, but she did not. When she reached the bathroom, Haruka had collapsed onto the floor.

"No! Haruka!" She grabbed towels, wetted a few, and pressed them against her arm. "Setsuna! Call an ambulance! Please!" She yelled through her tears. "Haruka please wake up!"

Setsuna ran into the room quickly, cordless phone in hand, she kneeled beside the bleeding girl, pressing the buttons franticly. "Yes please help! My friend she…" She talked to the operator, describing what was going on and gave their address.

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Flash Back 

"I don't know! All I know is he was beating his little girl again, she was screaming and crying but now it is silent!"  An elderly woman who lived right under the Tenoh stood under the spot where the thumping, screaming and crying came form. "Please hurry! I'm worried about that little one." She placed the phone back onto the receiver, looking up again. "Please be alright little one."

^^

Mr. Tenoh looked over his shoulder to the door, and back to the bathroom where a small pale leg could be seen. He got up, shut the bathroom door and walked to the front door, opening it to see two police officers.

 "Yes…?" He asked taking a long drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke out from his nose.

"Mr. Tenoh, we got some complaints from your neighbors about hearing some yelling and screaming. We would just like to take a look around." 

He stood in the doorway for a second, flicked them remains of the cigarette onto the floor, stomping on it with his boots. H then, moved out of the way, letting them in. "Whatever." Was all he said as he walked back to his chair. He did not care about being arrested, better in there then here.

He watched as the officers checked the bed rooms, "You have a child here?" The man asked looking into Haruka's room. 

All he did was nod.

"Where are they?"

"She." Mr. Tenoh corrected lighting another cigarette, then shrugged to his question. "Here somewhere."

The two officers glanced at each together worriedly, then one of the moved to the bathroom door, placing their hands on the knob and turning it slowly.

Mr. Tenoh just sat there, with a smirk on his face, and waited. 

"Oh my Kami!"

End of Flash back 

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Haruka weakly opened her eyes, wincing at the mild pastille colors. "W-where am I?" She looked over to her side seeing an IV and heart monitor and other equipment. "Hmm." She turned her head again and saw someone asleep in a chair. "Michiru…" She whispered weakly. She shut her eyes again, letting out a long sigh then, she was asleep again.

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Flash Back 

Little Haruka laid in the children's ICU ward. She was on many IVs and other machines. In the lonely room, as a machine helped her breathe the machine sighed, clicked, then sighed again and the heart monitor, slowly beeped in rhythm. 

"Here you go Mr. and Mrs. Ohmiya." The nurse ushered and elderly man and woman into Haruka's room. "Take your time." Then, she left.

"Oh my Kami, Hajime." The woman gasped, grasping her husbands' arm.

Hajime, held his wife and looked over the little girl, who was bruised, and cut all over. He shut his eyes thinking about the girls father, "Aki, I can't believe we lived over that…that breast."

"He was never like that before his wife died." They steeped closer to the girl, the womans hand reaching out touching her cheek softly.

"Honey, I-I want to adopt her…"

"What? Dear, we're too old…plus she might not even make it through the night."

She looked at her husband. "She is a fighter, Hajime! She will make it, and did you call _me_ old?"

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**_End of Flash Back_**

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Michiru walked around the bed, her eyes glued on Haruka's face. "Why did you do this to yourself, love? Why want you tell me what is wrong? Talk to my Haruka please!" She broke down then, falling onto her knees weeping, her aqua hair covering her like a curtain.

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TBC

Hmmmm….it seems too happy to me REVIEW


	4. They Know

_Someone was crying, Haruka could hear it. She spun around to see herself in a dark and lonely place.  
  
Haruka turned around seeing a small child huddled in a dark corner, their face down with their long whitish blonde hair covering them.  
  
She walked slowly, stepping softly as if she was stepping on eggshells.   
  
She slowly kneeled down, touching the child on the back of their head, she child looked up their eyes wide and frightened.  
  
Those eyes…  
  
Those sad eyes…  
  
Those sad and scared eyes…  
  
Those eyes…  
_  
_Were hers…  
  
The child, Little Haruka, her mouth opened wide and she began screaming, and automatically Haruka, began to scream.  
  
HARUKA!  
_  
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"Haruka!" The nurse held her arms down and she twisted in the bed. "Haruka stop!"   
  
Michiru stood quickly her eyes red from her hours of crying, her face gave a helpless frown.   
  
Slowly, she screaming and twisting stopped as Haruka's eyes, filled with fear, opened.  
  
"Take me home…" She said before going completely limp.  
  
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"...I suggest that she goes under a 24-hour watch program." The doctor shut his book looking at the group of girls in his office.

"24-hour watch?" Usagi asked questionably,

"24-hour watch means when someone, a officer, nurse, friend or family watches their love one all day and everyday, including at night." He said looking at each girl in the eyes. "It's a big responsibly." He added.

During this whole time Michiru was quiet, "W-why was she hurting herself…?" She finally asked.

"We won't know that until she would like to tell us, Ms. Kaiou." 

Michiru covered her face with her hands and soon her body began to shake with her sobbing. "Oh, Michiru." Usagi can over to where she was sitting, Michiru buried her face in the younger girls shirt, sobbing harder.

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Haruka was in her hospital room packing her own bags, and watching as the nurse took a few of her clothes from the closet. "I can do it myself." She snapped snatching them from her hands.

"I was just-"

"Get out." She did not look at the woman but slammed the clothes into her bag. Once she heard the door clothes, she sat down her hand hung low with her hand between her legs. Her shut her eyes thinking about that little girl…

Her fear… 

_Her sadness…_

"Haruka?" She looked up to see Michiru standing above her, "Ready?" She Aqua haired girl reached forward and touched her hair. Haruka shut her eyes to the gentle touch.

"Yea, I guess." She stood slowly, putting on her blue jean vest. She zipped up her bag and as she did so the nurse came in with a wheel chair.

"Here you go Ms. Tenoh." The red headed nurse said.

"I don't need that…"

"I'm sorry but it is hospital policy."

She mumbled and got in the chair sighing. "Well hurry, I don't want anyone seeing me."

Michiru nodded to the nurse, who left, took hold of the handles, and backed out of the room.

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Less then an hour later, Michiru parked the car in the parking lot of the apartment. "I could have drove you know."

"Well, I didn't want you to." Michiru said a-matter-of-fact like.

"Haruka grabbed her bag and left of the entrance with Michiru following.

Once up at the floor to their apartment Haruka put the key in the lock and turn the doorknob.

"SURPRISE!" 

Haruka's eyes widen as she looked around the room at all of her friends.

"Oh my…" Was all she could say, Michiru came behind her, "Welcome back love." 

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Haruka stood in the kitchen along with Usagi, and Minako, who were pigging on the cake, not even bothering to use the knife.

Knife? She stared at it, it was plastic.

She looked at the two girl again, and opened the drawer where the all the cooking knives should be.

Empty.

She opened more.

She found pots and pans…

But no knife…

Not even a fork or a stupid butter knife.

She looked at the two girls again, who were now staring at her.

"Ruka…?" Usagi asked.

"W-whe…" She could not get it out, she did not realize until then. They knew…

All of them knew, that why they were so nice…

She felt as if the room was spinning.

She had to get out.

She ran from the kitchen and into her room, opened the dresser. Her knife was gone.

She did not hear things crashing to the floor, people screaming at her to stop. She could not even see…

Then again, she welcomed the darkness that came over her.

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AN: Again I'm going out of town, that is why I am updating.


	5. Hold Me

**Japanese Vocabulary used in this fic:**

**Youbu- adoptive mother**

**Youfu- adoptive father**

**Fujin- female**

**Youju- adoptive daughter **

**Karioya- adoptive parents**

Sumimasen!- VERY sorry 

**Aino-chan-sweetheart**

AN: All of this is a flash back 

Haruka, the age of 14 sat on the edge of her draining tub. She ran her fingers through her wet long blonde hair; a pair of silver sharp scissors was in her right hand. She grabbed a fist full of her thick hair and began to cut it, tears rolling down her pale cheeks as she did. When she cut through, she looks around her to see her hair, she grabbed another fist full and cut again, and she had to do it twice before her hair was unevenly above her shoulders. With tear filled eyes, she removed the reminds of strain hair from her hand and the blades of the scissors.

She stood up, and with her bare feet, she moved all of her hair in a pile. As she stared at her hair anger build up inside her, and she began to pull on the handles of the scissors as she thought of her life with her father

*

"Haruka! Answer me when I call you!" Her father pushed open the door breaking the lock. 

"Iie Otousan!" She screamed as her father pulled her up from the corner by her hair.

"What did I tell you about that lock, baka!" He yelled, not a question. Nevertheless, he wanted an answer.

"You-you told me not to lock the door…"

"And what did you do you chibi kuso!"

"I-I locked it." She said through the tears and pain as his grip tightened on her hair.

"Please, stop otousan."

"Nani?" He brought her face up to his and spat in it, then threw her down on the hard wooden floor, then left.

Haruka lay there crying holding onto her side where she feel.

"I want to die…"

*

Haruka looked at herself in the mirror, disgusted with what she saw. "You weak…fujin!" She grabbed her breast and began to cut. "Fujin! Weak fujin!" 

"Haruka-chan, what's going on in there?" Her Youbu asked gently but was knocking hard on the door. "Haruka-chan?"

"G-go away!" She yelled and took the scissors and began cutting other places on her body with the bloody blade.

Her chest, her stomach, her legs, her arms. 

"Haruka!" Her Youfu's strong voice yelled through the door. She heard him bang on the door, and then began bumping against it. 

"Go away old man!" She snapped.  She dropped the scissors realizing what she said. As she scissors fell the door broke open, and she stared at her karioya.

"Sumimasen! Gomen nasai!" She broke down then, her karioya embraced her. 

"Shhh, Aino-chan. Shhh." 

"Oh, Youju." Haruka's Youbu stroked her youju's hair, tears running from her eyes. "My baby…"

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Review.


	6. Alone Again

She stood there in front of two fresh graves, her short blonde hair slick to her face as she stood in the rain, her black suit heavy with rain. People came to her, offering her shelter, however she refused or just completely ignored them. "Please Haruka…come out of the rain you'll make yourself ill." One lady, she youngest sisters of her adopted mother."

"Iie…but, thank you." Was Harukas reply. "I rather stay here."

Giving up with a heavy sigh, the woman walked off, turning once to look at the girl. "I'm here for you, alright Haruka?"

Haruka rolled her eyes "Sure." _And where were you when I got out of the hospital? You never came to see me, _Haruka snorted_, Hell, I didn't even know who you were at the funeral!_

Flashback

"Haruka?" A woman's voice called, if Haruka hadn't been looking at the casket of her dead mother, she would've thought it was her calling. 

"Hai?" Haruka turned around to face a woman who looked alike like her adoptive mother, just a few years younger. 

"Hey, I'm you aunt Krista."

"Oh, hello." Haruka then turned back to staring at the casket, wanting the woman to leave. 

**__**

End of Flashback

Haruka was now all alone in the commentary, except of course for the worker who began to fill the graves. Turning away, she began walking towards her American made sports car, a red Camaro. Inside she rested her forehead against the steering wheel. Forcing back the tears which wanted to invade her eyes again.

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Its all your fault!

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She died because of you! 

"No…" Haruka covered her ears, trying to drown out the sound of her biological fathers voice. "It wasn't my fault this time!"

**__**

Flashback 

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"Are you Ten'ou Haruka?" A woman officer stood at the door.

"Hai…and you are?"

"I'm officer Flaherty, I'm sorry to tell you this. But, you parents died in a car accident. On interstate 27 a drunk driver forced them off the road, making an 18-wheeler-"

Haruka heard laughter, but it wasn't coming from the officer, coving her mouth, the laughter was muffled…she realized it was her laughter.

"No…Oh gosh…" She feel to the ground, n longer laughing she sobbing violently. 

"Not again!"

****

End of Flashback

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Haruka grabbed different clothing shoving it inside her suitcase, not really carrying what she left. Her eyes were clouded with tears again.

You're alone again…

Shut up! She screamed at her mind.. _Shut up!_

No, you're alone. You kill everyone who loves you. Two mothers and a father…you drove another father crazy! Ha! Is something wrong with you? Are you death?

No! I'm not death…Leave me alone! She cried, going to her radio she turned it on, turning the volume as loud as it would go:

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_*_*_I will dedicate and sacrifice my every-thing  
for just a seconds worth of how my story's ending  
and I wish I could know if the directions that I take  
and all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing  
  
Show me what it's for  
make me understand it  
I've been crawling in the dark  
looking for the answer  
is there something more  
than what I've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark  
looking for the answer  
  
Help me carry on  
assure me it's ok to  
use my heart and not my eyes  
to navigate the darkness  
will the ending be  
ever coming suddenly?  
will I ever get to see  
the ending to my story?  
  
Show me what it's for  
make me understand it  
I've been crawling in the dark  
looking for the answer  
is there something more  
than what I've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark  
looking for the answer  
  
So when and how will I know?  
  
How much further do I have to go? (have to go)  
and how much longer until I finally know? (finally know)  
cause I am looking and I just can't see what's in front of me  
in front of me  
  
Show me what it's for  
make me understand it  
I've been crawling in the dark  
looking for the answer  
is there something more  
than what I've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark  
looking for the answer_*_*_ (1)

Haruka stared at the family picture of her and her karioya. (2) Picking it up, she gently placed it in her suitcase with her other belongings. "Good-bye…" She turned back and looked at the house, it had been bought about a year ago. Since their old apartment was below…her "hurting" home.

Placing her bags in her car, she looked back once again to the only place she had known as home. Then, turned around getting in the car, driving quickly away.

^*^*^*^*^*^

Present

Groaning, she opened her eyes, only to look into a large pool of blue eyes. "Koneko?"

"Hai! Oh Ruka-chan!" The younger girl jumped of the older girl, hugging her fiercely.

"Oi, Koneko…I can't breathe."

"Gomen!" Usagi jumped back looking over Haruka worriedly.

"What happened…?"

"You really don't remember?" Usagi leaned forward some, her eyes burying themselves in mine.

"Iie…" I placed my hand on my forehead, my head was pounding.

"Oh, well, you had a really bad panic attack…" Usagis eyes were still very worried. "You sure that you're ok? You look really pale…" Haruka had no time to answer her, she leaned over the side of the bed, contents of anything she ate coming out unto the floor. When nothing else came up, she continued to heave until someone please a cool, damp cloth to her forehead.

****

"Sh…Haruka. You're going to be okay. Drink this…"

After heaving a few more times, Haruka drank the warm salty water, it burnt her lip, hissing she gave it back.

"Hai, you busted your lips when you fell." Michiru stroked the girls short blonde hair. "You're going to be ok, koi. Take these…" She placed two pills in her hands. One white the other a light blue, Haruka's pain reliever and anti-depressant. She popped back the two, dry swallowing them, and took a sip of the fresh water, Setsuna had handed her.

"Arigato…" She whispered, as sleep over flooded her thoughts, and she was drawn back into the warm blanket of darkness.

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1. Crawling in the Dark- by Hoobastank

2. Adoptive parents

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